I.C.U Diary

The said incident happened with me on 1st of July 2016 which changed my life upside down. The night of 30 june I remember sleep in my own bed at 11 PM approx and when i opened my eyes it was approx 3 PM of 1st July.

The doctors said i was brought in Emergency Ward at 8 AM unconscious and with faint pulse and they had to shock me once as well to get normalised. Thank God I don’t remember any of it, it was surely traumatic time for my family & loved ones.

After normalisation and everything doctor took a call to keep in overnight in ICU only for better observation and care, Although i was pissed but it was a moot point to resist doctors advise as he rightly said that u need to have rest why not have it here under observations of 24X7 staff. Now the crazy part after trying long to sleep somehow i managed to get it but with all the monitors, oxygen pumps buzzing it was not sound still satisfactory though, in the middle of the night suddenly a guy in the ICU bed starting shouting “Please get my relatives i am dying” and i am up like WTF is happening is he really going off…??? Well the nurse tried to calm him down but it went in vein and after quitting for like 10 mins he started shouting again the nurse gave a rude reply and told him to go to sleep.

And the morning came upon us, technically it was just 5 AM but shift change procedures started, meds were getting checked and filled in my drip also got changed. Then the nurse or ICU Help came at 5.30 sir get ready the rounds are starting soon. So he requested me for the sponge wash which after seeing his instruments i declined and said to let me sleep as according to my bodyclock it is to bloody early for me, come back at 9 for the same. To which upon ICU incharge’s insistence he let me go, I still remember ICU Incharge’s words to that poor guy “Bhai VIP Patient hai direct owners ki pehchaan hai“. I didn’t understood the logic behind the statement, was not going to get him reported or fired for trying to do his job. I just requested him to let me sleep. This was all done approx 5 – 5.15 AM. I am sure of the time as i could see the clock clearly which was there in the ICU.

Somehow i slept and now an elderly auntyji started shouting with the nurse “Chai pila do chai ka time ho gaya hai”. Damn man why cant you understand you are in a bloody ICU and only thing that you are drinking is Medicine as prescribed by the doctor. How hard it is to grasp. By this time i gave up on sleep totally, called up the guy got washed & changed and was focusing on rains happening outside in my beautiful town from a small ICU Window.

A young lady was in ICU on a next bed to mine, she was fighting her battles and i was mine but we talked a lot and made friendship in the strangest of the place. Her husband even gave my messages to my family who were calmly sitting outside waiting for the doctor to arrive.

So here comes my Doc along with my mom after waiting for 4 hours they came to ICU at 2.30. Superb timing DOC… After a routine followup with the staff there about me and a general checkup of me, he Smiles, Bro you are spending 1 more night under observation here in ICU and i fought him bhai just get me out of this place and put in a private room i will be happy to be in this hospital for next 4 days even. But he didn’t budge and says there is no problem here and the care would be good so be here and take rest u need plenty of it. My Mom just persuaded its just 1 more night and tomorrow you are getting shifted to the hospital room only.

Evening 7 falls and the lovely doctor has already cleared me for food, so mom got some homemade Curd – Rice which i love to the core and dont know what was in there i finished it all up. Dad asks Ice cream khayega and i said yes. He sent my friend CHichey to get it for all of them inclusion of the ICU staff as well. Coz he could see me better then the time i came here.
It was such a joyous moment to be with your friends and family eating ice cream in the middle of an ICU. Mom & Dad left for home taking a promise that i will not make life miserable of people here helping me to get better and if anything is needed Jeetu bhaiya (Dad’s Go to Guy) will be here on night duty for anything.

In the middle of the night i hear a phone call some emergency case is coming up all went on to work on that guy but poor soul was not able to make it. I could see doctors shocking him thrice i think and all but the damage was far to done and he was long gone.

That was the first instance i saw someone dying in the same room and it shook me like anything. i that moment i seriously needed my blanket to curl up and cry. It was a shocking moment for me.

Then till morning, 2 more people passed away in the same room on was just 2 beds next to me. a thinking feeling hurled at me dude, watch out you were also in same position 2 days before, on that instance i thanked God for the miracle that he has done for me and here i am getting better for my life ahead.

On the other hand ICU staff who declared the guy dead 10 mins before was drinking tea and laughing about something.
How insensitive, no respects to the guy who just passed away or no second thoughts that couldn’t something can be done to save a life…??? And as the Tea got finished he is off to check on some other patient. c’est la vie for them i suppose.

Me and next bed patient were saying goodbyes as we both were going to independent rooms today and her doctor came before and signed the shifting papers and here i was waiting for mine to arrive.
So waiting and waiting clock showed 2 PM and i lost my patience now and requested to call my family from the waiting room or give me a phone so i can talk to them. Although nice and helpful staff after seeing my despair called them as well and phone was also in my hand if no one comes.

Finally the doc arrives at 2.30 his usual time normal check etc done and time came for decision to shift me to private room to which he disagreed and was in favor of keeping me in ICU for one more night as well. But after my mom’s pressure and my demand to be shifted immediately he caved in and gave orders to shift to the room. i finally could have a relaxed breath.

Being there in that ICU was a traumatizing factor in itself as for first few hours i was scared for myself only, later seeing people dying near me took my trauma to whole another level. We just need to keep fighting with ourselves and not let sadness, sorrow or despair grow on us. Well that’s what i did to survive the traumas of ICU. The only Mantra – Keep Smiling & Be Brave, This Too Shall Pass.

I so wish the hospital upgrades their ICU Ward Into small rooms as many hospitals in india are already doing. It could definitely save trauma and panic to many people.